Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
