if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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