how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
