she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
