if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
