her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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