well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Green mimosas i think yes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
