This girl is more easily done than said...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
