how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
