peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
