have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
