The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
