well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
