If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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