She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
