i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
