my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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