Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your penis caused this!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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