I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
