apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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