the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A bitchslap is in order.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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