My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
