Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
