i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
