i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont even know how to be here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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