Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
