I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
