I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
