There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
