Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
