I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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