we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
