I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
