My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
