I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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