the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
