Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
