I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
