You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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