you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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