I'm lost and stupid without you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
