every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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