Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
