Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
