I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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