What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
