I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
