All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
