He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
