i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
