His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
