So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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