ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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