We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
